Death Row Community College

This past week I was scoping out a small community college in southern Virginia.

The name of the school is John Tyler Community College. Who was John Tyler, you might ask? (as I did) You might need to brush up on your American History (as I do) for he was the 10th President of the United States. Who knew? (though I actually have heard the slogan they used to promote him; "Tippacanoe and Tyler Too." Catchy. I might vote for him in the next presidential election. Why not? If dead people can vote, http://www.citypaper.net/articles/101295/article009.shtml why not vote for dead people?)

So after clearing that up, I and a couple co-workers set out to give out some Freebies on campus. Alas - the administration wouldn't allow it. More accurately, the person who does allow that kind of thing was in Holland digging for tulips or something. The people there were unwilling or unable to give us permission to distribute some free stuff - which could be a blog topic in itself. But hey - who gets paid to do more than they have to do to get paid?

So, in lieu of actually giving out unauthorized freebies, we thought we'd informally survey a few students. I began the conversation with 2 guys sitting on some couches outside their classroom. Before I knew what was going on, everyone attending an English class was there. Interesting mix of people. Interesting mix of conversations.

Tattoo Dude: "Hey - did you guys do the reading for today?"
Several people between the ages of 18 and 67: "what?! There was an assignment? Explicative."
Tatoo: "yeah - it's on page 125."
18-67 Year Olds: "zip. flp flip flip. Ok - lemme skim it."

Someone quoted part of the article which said - I kid you not "No one is really poor. They're just pre-rich." Brilliant. Perhaps this guy thinks the starving-poor of the world are also not actually malnourished - they're just pre-dead.

In another section of this crowd, there was a conversation between a guy who looked like his name should be Gunther and the very small but sassy crippled girl. They were making fun of each other. I shall leave this up you your imagination. Surreal.

In the midst of this fray, I tried to ask a couple questions. A few of the students responded - some with anecdotal references to the Family Guy, and some with real responses. Several were pretty surprised to hear that John Tyler was a president of the US. Then, Gunther began to read some internet webpages he had printed out. They were letters from Death Row Inmates, and they were pleas for penpals. He read them out loud to the group.

These letters spoke of the intense loneliness of men slated to die. Some spent 23 hours a day in solitary. They were very honest and desperate, yearning for someone to write them. They were hungry for someone to bring some meaning or significance into their world; someone, anyone who would dialogue with them by way of letters. Their present isolation from society seemed even more severe for the fact that ultimate separation was coming on a known date and time. To me, these pleas for connection sounded like requests for some kind of last meal for their souls. One more good thing before the end.

I felt so sad. But that changed very quickly.

In response to these naked cries for human connection, Gunther (who was apparently the apex Community College English student) began to make fun of their grammar and spelling. He mocked them for their poor parts of speech, for their apparent lack of educational prowess. "Ha ha! They are so stupid! Listen to this one!"

Unbelievable. Apparently Gunther could only see the ink on the page. Behind those molecule-thick markings were men who were dying, and all he seemed to care about was pointing out their lack of writing ability. Wow.

I really wanted to say something, but just then the class opened up and everyone shuffled off. What would I have said anyhow? "You selfish jerk!! Don't you care about other people, you moron!?" Hardly a compelling prod toward empathy.

But, this was one of my better moments of empathy. I felt sad for Gunther's callousness, and I felt sad for the desperate inmates. Right then I could see a contrast between his bad reaction and the response that I was having. But to be honest, I'm not really sure how many good moments I have.

If I had to bet, I would wager that the majority of people are hungry for connection. Most of us are at best somewhat relationally malnourished. Sure, we all have lots of events and technologies and people around us to make us feel connected and filled. But my impression is that few of us really connect on that deep soul-nourishing level that we all hope for.

The thing is, unlike those inmates, it seems that few of us really relate how needful we really are. We're too proud to be honest. There is strike one against my day to day empathy for others. They aren't very open about it, so I'm less likely to recognize it.

Strike two for me is that I know this. If I stop and think about it, I know that people want to be pursued and loved. But I forget this (willfully maybe?) and pretend like everyone is fine - if not in my inner view, at least in my outward expression. I'm the callous one.

Strike three for me is that I'm the Gunther. Oh sure - maybe I'll react well to those desperate cries for help, but most people aren't that vulnerable. So I'm not that empathetic. In fact - often times I'm the one who's making fun of other people. Occasionally for grammar, but more for smaller things. The way they talk, their personality quirks and shortcomings, their job performance, physical appearance, the way they drive. (Empathy is the emotional roadkill of the highways. If you could hear what I think about other drivers!)

In short - I need a double shot of humility. I'm getting that, slowly. I'm being worked on, and am way better than I used to be. Still need work though. I want to have the kind of humility and empathy that I had for those prisoners with the average Joe. I want to want to connect with the heart of the average guy walking down the street, or my neighbor. I was to be that kind of a person.

But what about you? I'm curious what things for you have made you more empathetic. What gives you the courage to reach out to others? I'd really love to know. If you love other people - what is it that gives you that? And I'm wondering if you're deeply, richly connected with anyone. Are you? Hey - I'd love it if you were my penpal. Lord knows I need more honest connection. Perhaps you do as well.