Waffle Cone or Petri Dish?

For quite some time I've enjoyed Breyer's Ice Cream. Not just orally, but also intellectually - in terms of "ice cream theory."

By this I mean the fact that a side by side comparison of Breyer's with most other name brands would reveal a stark contrast in ingredients. Unlike Breyer's, many brands have much more to offer in terms of "goo." After the initially unsurprising list of substances like milk, cream, & sugar - one finds things like guar, carob bean and xantham gums, carrageenan and caulk from your Aunt Edna's vintage 1950's bathroom.

Being an art graduate, I recognize binders when I see them. The gummy stuff in many ice cream tubs is something that holds the ingredients in suspension - to reduce separation and increase consistency. In this case, apparently, to make that consistency more moss-like. (interestingly, carageenan is a kind of algae) I would imagine that this additive also pads the profit margin. After all, algae just sorta shows up - it's available for whoever wants it. (and who wants it?)

Anyhow

When some friends in my bible study brought over some ice cream for dinner the other night, I couldn't help but notice a difference. When I partook of the Breyer's Snickers Ice Cream, something seemed amiss. My tastebuds indignation was proven righteous when I looked at the ingredients. Sure enough - gum. Gum in my Breyer's.

I hoped to blame a non-Breyer's source for this adulteration, so I also checked the Vanilla "extra-creamy" which had no surrogate-branded ingredients. I found that at the corporate level, "extra creamy" simply means "extra-gooey." It too contained some of the bounty of the microbe-farm. (And dare I ask what produces "guar?" Sounds like something emitted from an insect's butt - shudder! "Hey - wait a second...these aren't flecks of vanilla!")

Anyhow - my intellectual enjoyment of said ice cream is bound up in its simplicity. A handful of common ingredients, albeit rich ones, mixed together for my delight. Does it get runny quickly - yeah! It's just a couple liquids and sugar whipped up and cooled down. But it's pure. It's yummy. It's intellectually beautiful. It might bring my life to a premature end, but I will be fat and happy on all counts. (unless heart attacks actually hurt - but don't burst my bubble)

But now, I've found this troubling insight. Gum in my Breyers!? Have they now added a division for algae production? Couple of guys with big slimy tanks full of who knows what, just watching the algae grow? What's going on? Perhaps it's clandestinely referred to as the "Breyer's Cultural Division" if you catch my meaning.

I can't help but feeling like I've been let down. The box still says "all natural ingredients", but I no longer know what that means. Indeed - algae is pretty natural. But so are lead and mercury. What should I do?

Sadness. I have no pithy analogy or illustration about life here. I'm just sad that there is gum in my bowl, and I just want to know why. WHY!?

Oh well. There are worse things in life.

If I stop by an ice cream stand in the near future, maybe I'll ask for a Petri dish instead of a waffle cone. But then again - for me personally, I'm going to try an avoid eating algae, mold and anything that sounds at all like "Xantham"