I Dream of Bikini

Last night my wife had a dream.

In her dream, she was in a bikini contest with some other ladies, but felt pretty confident about the outcome. The reason for this assurance of victory: I was the judge of the contest. She thought "surely he'll pick me as the winner."

This sounds like a nightmare to me. If I don't pick her, I'm in serious trouble on the home front. If I do pick her, I'm in less trouble, but still in trouble on the home front. Mainly for that fact that I took the job of comparing my wife with all the other ladies.

I can imagine a doomed conversation later on.

Wife: So John, you felt that I was the clear winner?
Me: Sure did babe! You're dreamy.
Wife: No bias there, you really felt that I compared well with the other nearly naked women?
Me: Um, well, you... You more than compare, you're in a class so far above them all. Not that I was really comparing, even though I had to. So I guess I was - but you won! Yay!
Wife: So if I hadn't won, who would you have picked to win?
Me: (now realizing the impending train wreck) Uhhh. Let's, ahh - let's stay out of the theoretical, shall we?
Wife: I mean, surely in your mind there was a runner up? Right? If you made her the winner, why would you have? What about her would have made her stand out to you?
Me: Are you getting warm? I'm warm.
Wife: Really, what would you have done if I weren't even in the competition? Would you have enjoyed judging it?
Me: It's really hot in here.

Fortunately, it was just a dream, and there was no final judgment about the winner in it. This has spared me explaining the actions and attitudes of the dream-me, and led me to a valuable preventive lesson through my wife's active subconscious.

Namely:

Never be a bikini contest judge, especially if your wife is competing.


This advice I give to you freely and without cost to you. Have a good day.